As you probably know, I lost one of my best friends since 8th grade on August 25th, 2022. These are some things I wish I could say to her.
Dear Sierra,
Two months have gone by incredibly fast without you. Although I love my new home in Albuquerque and you never got to visit me like we talked about, I can still feel your absence. It is overwhelming. I've never experienced anyone this close to me passing and I've never felt this overwhelmed in my life. Out of all the adventures I've been on and all the hardships I've been through I am certain that your absence is the worst thing. It never goes away. When I am happy and smiling I remember that I can't tell you and it ruins everything.
I know you would not like that. You always wanted me to smile, and you would do anything you could to see that through. You were the only person who showed up to my going away party when I left for Uruguay. You were there whenever I needed a ride. You were my big sister. Now I am the oldest of all of our friends. I cannot live up to what you were. You brought us all together. At cheer practice when I wanted to quit you made yourself the reason that I stayed. The sleepovers at your house and the late night drives to dutch bros were the best part of my life senior year.
You took care of me even when I didn't need it. You took care of your mom and even my little sister when I was away. Remember when we started that "Kiwi" group chat? So that when anyone needed help or friends we could let each other know. Remember in 8th grade when you made a joke about something I was going through and then immediately apologized and said it was a joke even though it didn't hurt my feelings? Remember when we were freshmen and fed up with everyone and we told each other that we were each others' favorite friends? Remember when I left our middle school friend group and you were the only one who understood why?
You were my twin. You were a scorpio, but you always said that you were a sagittarius like me. You understood me and I understood you. We were the 'mom friends' together. We planned the senior campout together. We cheered together on the football bleachers and on the basketball courts. We used to jump on your trampoline for hours. Since 8th grade you wanted to be a mom and a wife and I wanted to be the crazy aunt of your kids. We tried to float the river every year even though we were paddling through shallow water the whole time. You always ordered for me at the pho restaurants and you got dutch for me before cheer. When I dropped my dutch bros and spilled all over the high school hallway you stayed with me to clean it up, even though we would both be in trouble for being late to practice. You loved all of my cats even though you were allergic to them.
Both of us hated horror movies, but we watched them. We were always scared of ghosts. I'm not anymore, in fact I'm always begging for the sky to send me your ghost. I want to see you and I want to hear your voice again. I want you to give me advice and be there like you always were.
Lastly, thank you for giving me the best last summer at home. I used to call it the last summer of my childhood before going to college. I'm so happy that we got to do all the things we wanted to do like go to Chelan, do crafts, have sleepovers, party, and swim. One thing you have taught me since you've been gone is that when it comes to memories you remember how you felt in the moment much more than what actually happened. And you always made me feel warm and loved and not alone. The world is so cold without you.
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