Hi all,
I am just getting over the flu which is utterly AWFUL - get those vaccinations – and somehow was able to make some spiritual revelations in the 15 minute windows every 4 hours when the acetaminophen wore off and I had to be awake until the next dose settled the throat pain and I could go back to sleep.
Firstly, this was a sign from the universe (I’m on my universe kick again) to be so grateful for good health, resources such as Vick’s throat spray, and my lovely boyfriend who took great care of me and my cat while I was sick. And this point is not to be taken lightly, I have never been this sick and people die from the flu; I have nothing if not good health.
Secondly, and more personally, she (the universe) is showing me that I am on the right track. I have been so worried about getting a second job to save up money for grad school to the point where I’m being mean to myself. But if I did have a weekday job then I would surely have been let go for being so sick that I couldn’t work for a week (yes, it’s happened before). And I think it’s beautiful that I want to wait to get another job until after spring break because I want to go camping, and I don’t care what corporate America says about that because I think its imperfectly human and beautiful. So really, the lesson here is to love the humanity in yourself rather than calling it lazy or stupid, and goddamn it talk to yourself nicely and with patience because you are on the right track, and everything will unfold how it is meant to.
Thirdly, I have recently been informally diagnosed with inattentive ADHD by my therapist, which has thrown me for a loop. Yes, I’ve had all kinds of mental disorders, but ADHD is permanent and that is scary; the idea that I am actually the one who is not ‘normal’ (or more appropriately “neurotypical”). I always thought it was everyone else who was different, not me. But the idea has come to me that maybe I don’t have to change my world around those diagnoses. Perhaps when I identify that something has to do with my executive dysfunction (a trait of ADHD) I can just tell myself that no it doesn’t. I don’t have that. The only real issue with my executive dysfunction is the self- doubt. Nip it at the bud. Mel Robbins says that anxiety is just noticing that something might need to be dealt with and then questioning your capability of dealing with it until you go crazy. So let me stop questioning my capability to manage. I am not a project, and life is not about constantly trying to self- improve.
This may be a little deflectionist, however I think I have something here. If not please dismiss this as I am still a little spinny from the flu and whatever magic they put in DayQuil.
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